[from Collected Works, T.E.Brown]
YES, comin home from the North Sea fishin we were,
past John o Grotes,
Past the Pentlands and Cape Wrath theer, twenty boats
Thered be of us, and eight men and boys to every one, and how many are you making that?
A hunderd-and-sixty, says you
Youre smart though, what?
And sure enough it isaw this ciphrin and figgurin and recknin, aw grand ! grand!
Well, when we hauled to the southward, the wind turned a foul, youll understand;
So we made for a bay though, the lot of us : terble narra it was to get in
That baybut spreadin out astonishin,
And the room you navar seenacres ! acres !
So swings to an anchor for all
As aisy as aisy, and plenty to spare, just that we could call
The time oday and that : its comfible, you know, like yandhar, and mayve a matthar
Of ten fathomgood houldin, fuss-rate ridin, couidn be batthar.
And at the top of the bay there was a castle, terble though,
Aw, bless ye, terble uncommon, and the gardens theer all in a row,
And all above one another ; and some guns that was took from the Rooshians, and a tower, and a flag goin a-haulin
I don know the burgee, but as broad as a good tarpaulin;
And over the door, cut to a dot, aw, open your eyes the widest you can!
Over the door, if you plaze, over the door, what next? God bless us ! the three legs of Man
That was the thing. My gough ! the wondher we had;
And this and that ; but at last Billy Fargher said
It muss ha been some of these ould Earls or Dukes, or their daughters, or their nieces, or their cousins
( Of coorse, thered be dozens)
That got married on yandhar lek
At laste youd expeck
Thered be some workin in and out ; and blood is blood,
Thats aisy understood;
And navar ashamed of the ould flag, not her ; but heisin 1 it to the wind, and carvin it on the stone, like defyin,
Lek as bould as a lion.
Now there was a terble great lady livin in this Castle, mind!
Aye, a lady, bless ye ! and no mistake, grand, no doubt, but kind.
And she come to see us, aye, and she said she was once on the Islan,
And the people was that good to her, and that civil, and that smilin,
And that plazzant, she said, that she couldn forget it, she said,
No, she said ; and it wasn no use, she said,
They were nice people, she said, the nice you couldn tell;
Thats what she said, and she liked them well.
And she wouldn take no res of us but we muss promise then and theer
To have dinner with her, aye ! dinner, think of that now ! a hunderd-and-sixty of uswhat ? aw, Ill sweer.
Dinner though ; so promised sure enough ; and the day come,
And there wasn a sowl of us went, not a sowl, by gum !
No ! and the pipers blawin,
And the curks 2 drawin,
And the preparation theyd be havin, so Im toul,
And there wasn a sowl, no, not a sowl.
And what for was that ?What for ? Just the shy, the shy,
Thats the what for, and thats the why,
And thats the way with the Manx ; aw, it is though, aw, they are, they are,
Mos despard shy ; aw, its a pity for all, but star
They will, and wink and nudge and poke and bother,
And spit theer and laugh, and look like axin one another
" Are you goin, and you ? " and takiri rises, and all to that,
Till you cant tell is it your grannys cat
Or what is it thats doin on you, but you feel jus a reglar fool,
And all the time bitendin 3 to be as cool as cool.
Aw dear ! its a pity ! a pity ! aw, a rum lot!
But, whether or not,
The great lady was agate of us again,
Deed for sure she was, and she seen the men
Was shy of the dinner ; but its lek 4 she thought
It was on account of not knowin how to behave theerselves the way they ought
With theer knives and theer plates and the lek ; so axed them to tay
Aw, she muss ha been a kind lady anyway!
And we promised faithful, and the day come, and she sent and she sent,
And there wasn a one of us went.
The shy, did ye say ? Sartinly, nothin but the shy,
Thats the way we are ; aye,
Treminjus though. I was raelly sorry for her, I was, I tell ye,
And all the throuble that was at her theer, fit for a melya,5
And the disappointed_what ? and, altogather, my chiarn !6
These Manx chaps isn fit, no they arn
Terble boghs !7
Well the wind veered round, and we all sailed for the southward,
Excep two boats. Now, dye think shed ha bothered
About such dunkies ? Well, thats jus what she did,
Perseverin, aye ! and considherin, and waitin.
Turn your quid!"
Says Juan Jem, lek futhee, lek no hurry ! you know
Lek aisy all ! lek keep her so!
Lek wail and see ! Patient, is it ? But anyway the strong
The kindness was in herthats it, and the long
Suffrin lek, and navar not no capers of takin offince.
My gough ! its many a time Ive thought of it since.
What did she do but down to these chaps that was lavin8 behind
Sixteen of them, ayeand axed them theer as kind as kind
To tay ? most sartin ; what else ? and I tell ye they took heart and went,
And enjoyed theerselves to the full the sames it might be you or any other gent.
Bid the res ? youre wondrin. Chut!
Jus the shy, and nothin but
The shy. Aw, no use a talkin,
The shy its shawkin.
No raison, says you : not a bit.
Amazin, says you. Well, thats all youll get,
That is the raison, and the for and the why Jus the shy!
4 Like, likely.
7 Poor creatures.
8 Was leaving : were left.
Yes, maam, no, maam;
We called him Joe, maam;
My names Cregeen
Yes, maam, no, maam;
Had to go, maam
Faver ? aye;
Young to die;
Eighteen for spring.
(Chorus of sympathisers) " Poor thing ! poor thing!"
Yes, maam, no, maam;
Im rather low, maam
Not at say.
Yes, maam, no, maam;
Just so, maam,
And the Pazon in his gown;
No stone, just marks.
( Chorus as before) " Shes thinkin of these sharks."
Yes, maam, no, maam,
Not like home, maam
The clothes he died in
The corp was plied in.
Yes, maam, no, maam;
But just to sew, maam,
But couldn be
( Chorus as before) " My chree ! my chree ! "1
Yes, maam, no, maam,
We were callin him Joe, maam
His chiss 2 come,
Not like to some;
Yes, maam, no, maam,
Come by Crow, maam,
And, of a rule,
(Chorus as before) " Shes got his chiss ! shes got his chiss !"
Yes, maam, no. maam,
These feerns 3 will grow, maam,
So Im tould.
But Im makin very bould.
Yes, maam, no, maam
Rather slow, maam,
Is this coach;
But I hope I dont encroach
In my head the pain s.
( Chorus as before) " In her heart she manes."
Yes, maam, no, maam.
1 Dear Heart ! 2 Chest. 3 Ferns.
Conjergal rights ! conjergal rights !
I dont care for the jink of her and I dont care for the jaw of her,
But Ill have the law of her.
Conjergal rights ! yis, yis, I know what Im sayin
Fuss-rate, Misthress Corkhill, fuss-rate, Misther Cain,
And all the people in the coachis there a man or a woman of the lot of ye
Well now, thats what I wudn have thought of ye,
I wudn raellyNo, I haven got a little sup,
Not meis there one of ye that wudn stand up
For conjergal rights?
No, maam, tight's
Not the word, not a drop since yesterday. But lizzen, good people, lizzen!
Ill have her in the coorts, Ill have her in prison
Its the most scandalous thing you everWhat ! this woman and her daughter
Its dane murder, its abslit manslaughter,
Aye, and I wudn trus but beggamy, thats what it is
Married yesterday mornin
In Kirk Breddhan Church, and not the smallest taste of warnin,
Takes her to her house in Castletown, And jus for I axed a quashtin and Ill be boun
Its a quashtin any one of you wud have axedpicks a quarrel, makes a row,
The two of them, aye, the two of thembow-wow!
Hammer and tungs ! 2 sends for a pleeceman, puts me to the door
But Ill owe her I Ill owe her!
Aisy, Mr. Cretney ? No, Ill not be aisy;
Its enough to make a body crazy,
Thats what it is, and the supper on the table,
And the hoss in the stable.
And I said nothin, nor I done nothin. Aw, if theres law in the land,
Law or justice, Ill have it, dye understand ?
Do ye see the thing ? My grayshurs ! married is married,
Isn it ? what ? and me that carried
The womans box. And that isn all ; what raison ? what sense?
Think of the expense ! think of the expense!
Dont ye know ? God bless me ! The certifcake, thats hafe-a-crown,
And the licence, thats five shillin, money down, money down!
And not a farlin off for cash, these Pazons, not a farlin;
And said she was my darlin
And all to that, guy heng ! 3 its thrue ! its thrue!
And look at me now ! boo-hoo-oo-oo!
Yis, cryin I am, and no wondher
You dont see me its that dark in the coach. By the livin thundher
Im kilt mosly, thats what I am, almos kilt
With throuble and disthress and all. A jilt,
You say, a jilt ? But married, married, married, dye hear?
Married, Misthress Creer,
Married afore twelve at Kirk Breddhan,
Married, a reglar proper weddin
And no mistake,
And this woman . . . O my gough ! dont spake of her! dont spake!
Its me thats spakin ! Yis, and I will ! I will!
Whos to spake if I amn ? But still
Its lek you dont see, the coach is so dark, and no light from these houses,
But feel of this new coat, and the pair of new trousis,
Bought o puppose,4 o puppose ! what else?
Bran new ; and the shirt and the frells,
And the cuffs and the collar, every d thing
As bran and as new as a gulls wing
And all to plaze her, and to look accordin
To the occasion, and to do her credit, and hordin
The teens of months. And O, if Id only borrowed them from a neighbour!
Thats the thing, but bought them, bought them ! and even so they might ha been chaber,5
Yis, they might, at another shop. But you don see the way Im goin,
No, no, you don But Id lek you tothe tears ! Im jus slushin the sthraw
With the tears, makin the coach all damp for the people yis, I know I am, but Ill have the law, Ill have the law.
Just a quashtin about a bit of proppity, The house, in fac, the very house we come into, dye see?
The house, her house ! Of coorse ! of coorse ! But good-ness grayshurs!
Who doesn know the law about a thing like that ? the iggorant ! the ordashurs!
If ever there was a thing on Gods earth
That was mine, it was yandhar house ! But it isn worth
Talkinno ! Theres people thatll go against anything. But what ! no suttlement goin a-makin,1
Nor nothin, jus everything goin a-takin
Undher the common law of matrimony theer
At my massy ! 6 at my massy ! With your lave, Mr. Tear,
At my massy, sir. Youll scuse me.
But you know the law. Marriedmy chree ! my chree!
What iss " married," if that isn ? its as plain as a dusbin
Your own dear lovin husbin
As kind as kind !
See the beauty of it ! And " all thats thine is mine,"
Isn it sayin that in the Bible ?
And surely the woman is lible
As well as the man ; and to " love, honour, and obey,"
Isn that what they say ?
But its my heart, thats it ! my poor broken heart ! aw dear ! aw dear !
And my feelins I my feelins ! and that son of mine girnin from ear to ear,
And his lip, and his imprince, and his disrespeck,
And the waste and the neglec
O, its awful ! its awful ! O, the wounds that theres no healins !
O, my feelins ! my feelins !
But Ill see aburt,8 I will, Ill see aburt
The dirt !
The wife of my bosom ! Dont be mockin
I heard a woman laughing : its shockin
That a woman d laugh at the lek of such doins, yis, it is,
A woman that I could name
Fie for shame ! fie for shame!
But Ill have law. Look here ! Is James Gell a lawyer? Youll hardly uphould me
He isn, will ye ? James Gellthe Attorney-Gineral : well, thats the man that tould me.
Did I sýake to him about it ? was I axin him afore
I was anything to her ?
Sartinly ! my gough ! was I goin to run my neck into a noose,
And navar no pinion nor . . . Im not such a goose
As yandhar ither, Ive gorrit 9 in writin, yis, I have,
Ive gorrit hereaw, youll get lave ! youll get lave!
Not aisy to read, but God bless me ! wheres my specs? But lart ! lart ! 10
Its my feelins : O, my heart ! my heart!
My poor heart ! my poor heart ! boo-hoo-oo-oo ! Aye, and youd think thered be
Some . . . Crow, open this door and let me out ! theres no regard with ye
For a mans . . . Ill not ride another yard with ye . .
Theer then ! theer ! No, Ill have none of your goodnights . .
Conjergal rights ! conjergal rights!
1 Question. 2 Tongs.
3 Go hang ! 4 On purpose. 5 Cheaper.
6 Settlement to be made. 7 Mercy. 8 About it.
9 Got it. 10 Let it be.
A. Yes, yes, Ill be seem him, seem Billy
This very nightaw, Im almost silly
With the thought. Yes, Mrs. Quayle, just a year away,
And hes comin home this very day.
Billy I Billy ! aw, the foolish I am!
And youll scuse me, ladies, wont ye now ? Aw, Ill be as quit as a lamb,
Yes, I will : and it isn right
To be carryin on like this afore people, but aw, the delight!
O ! I wonder how hell be lookin ; hes that handsome and gud,
Aw yes, aw dear ! I wud, I wud,
I wud fly, I wud die ! O the darling ! O ! its shockin,
And I cant keep quit, no, I cant, no, I cant, and its no use O talkin.
But Ill try, Mrs. Quàyle, you know me ; yes, Ill try, Ill do my best,
O ! I will though, and only proper lek. But howl he be drest?
O Billy, Billy ! will he have his white ducks ? ho, ho!
Its me that d make them like the driven snow;
But these Liverpool washerwomenchut ! the nasty things ! aw, Ill be bail
No notion whatever, no, they haven ; what did ye say, Mrs. Quayle?
Not to be expectin too much and Ill not be disappointed? and Id batthar What, Mrs. Quayle, batthar what, what ? what ? Ive got the latthar!
Hes comin ! hes comin ! " On the spree," did ye say?
Like the way
With such, Mrs. Quayle ? With such!
Mrs. Quayle ! Mrs Quayle ! Who then ? whuch?
This coach is chokin me, give me air
No, no ! it isn fair,
Navar ! no, navar ! navar!
No, no ! youre clavar,
Youve seen a dale,
A dale, no doubt, but that youll navar see,
For I love Billy, and Billy loves me!
Is that plain ? dont you know that ? It cudn ! it cudn!
But ye come upon me that sudden.
No, no ! thats not Billy, nor natur, nor nothin ; thats foolishness
But I cant rest
This coach is closethe hot I am and the coul !
( Chorus of conscious women) " Poor sowl ! poor sowl !"
B. Now then, now then, what do you say now?
Here he is, and I think youll allow,
Eh, Mrs. Quayle, youll allow, I think,
Not the smallest sign of drink.
And I ast your pardon humble I do
Im forgettin myself. But is it you?
Is it you ? is it you ? Whisper then,
The millish yen ! 1
Close, Billy, close God knows
I love you, Billy, and you love me,
Dont you, Billy ? my chree ! my chree!
Aw, just to hear Chut ! Im foolish, but O, the dear!
TheSteady, did ye say ? yis, Billy, yis!
Steady it is.
Now, Mrs. Quayle, is he drunk or sober?
Poor ould Billy ! And last October
He sailed, poor chap ! And its me thats drunk
With joy you mane ? And have you got your trunk
What am I talkin ? your chissdear me ! and didn I seet
Comin along the street Of coorse, and mended
You tould me. O ! isn all this beautiful ? isn it splendid?
Closer, Billy, closer then
Crid shen 2
Nothin, but . . . lizzen, Billy, whisprins free
I love Billy, and he loves me . .
Do you, Billy ? as Gods above,
Do you love
Me, Billy ? The word, Billy, as soft as soft
What am I thinkin of !
Aw, ye said it, ye said it. And now Ill trouble ye
Is he drunk or sober, this young man, W.
Sayle, by name ? Aw, youll scuse me, wont ye?
Aw I didn mane to front ye,
Aw nothin of the surt ! Only, ye see, the glad
I am its fit to drive me mad.
And Im rather young . . . at laste, not that oul,
Youll scuse me, wont ye . .
( Chorus of conscious women) " Poor sowl ! poor sowl !"
1 Sweet dear. 2 Whats that?
Whats the gud of these Pazons ? Theyre the most
despard rubbage gon,
Reglar humbugs they are. Show me a Pazon, show me a drone!
Livin on the fat of the land, livin on the peoples money
The same s the drones is livin on the beeses honey.
Aw bless ye ! the use of them ? not the smallest taste in the world, no!
Grindin down the honest workin man, just so;
Suckin the blood of the poor and needy,
And as greedys greedy.
See the tithes, see the fees, see the glebes and all;
Whats the call
For the lek ? and their wives gon a takin for ladies, and their childhar gon sendin to College
Like the fuss 1 of the land. Aw, it bates all knowledge
The uprisement of the lek ! And fingerin with their piannas,
Them that shud be singin their hosannahs
To the King of glory constant. Clap them in the pulfit theer,
What can they do ! Aw, come down the steer ! 2 come down the steer,
And dont be disgracin yourself that way !
Thats what Ive been thinkin many a time
And let a praecher take his turn, a local, aye, just try m!
Aw, give your people a chance to get salvation.
" Blow ye the trumpet in Zion ! " Thats the style, and the prespiration
Pourin out all over his body ! See the wrestlin,
And the poor Pazon with his collec and his pestlin
And his gosplin. Gospel! Let it sound abroad,
The rael gospel of God!
Aw then the happy I am!
Give us the Lamb I give us the Lamb!
But he cant, I tell ye, he cant
Whats that young man sayin theerrant?
Rant indeed, is that what hes learnin
At Oxfoot College, to revile the spirit thats burnin
In the hearts of the faithful ? Aye, and let it burn, let it blaze!
But heres the Pazon, if ye plaze,
Cocked up with his little twinkle of a farlin rush,
And ll hauk and blush,
And his snips and his snaps
And his scrips and his scraps,
And endin up with the Lords Prayer quite sudden
Lek the ould womans sauce to give a notion of a puddin, ...
Aye, puddin, and drabbin with their swishups and dishups
Of the stale ould broth of the law ! If all the hands of all the bishops
Was goin crookin over his head, he wudn be a praecher,
Not him, nor a taecher.
You cant be married without a Pazon ! Cant I though?
Cant I, Masther Crow?
Give me the chance : Im a married man with a famly comin,
But if it plazed the Lord to take Mrs. Creer, dye think theres a woman
d refuse to go with me before the High Bailiff down
And ger a slick of matrimony put upon us?
Yes, honest thallure : 3 but holy, " holy matrimony," theyre sayn
Holy your grandmother !At laste, I mane,
And astin your pardon, Mrs. Clague!
But the idikkilis people is about the lek o yandharAisy with your leg,
Masthar Callow ; thank ye ! thatll do
Yis, Mrs. Clague, and crizzenins and funarls too
Shuperstition., just shuperstition, the whole kit,
Most horrid, just popery, dane popery, thats it
Aye, popery and schamin and a lie and a delusion and snares
To get money out of the people, which is the Lords and not theirs!
Money, money every turn,
Money, moneypay or burn!
And where does it come from ?
I said it before, and I say it again,
Out of the sweat of the workin man,
Aw these priests ! these priests ! these priests
Down with them, I say. The brute beasts
Has more sense till us, thats willin to pay blackmail
To a set of rascals, to a pack ofGood evenin, Pazon Gale!
Good evenin, sir, good evenin ! Step up, sir ! Make room,
Make room for our respected VicarAnd may I persume
To ax how is Mrs. Gale, sir, and the family?
Does this weather agree
Rather damp, I dessay !
And the Governors got knighted?
Im delighted to see you, sir, delighted, delighted
1 First. 2 Stair.3 Enough.
(On the road)
" Good gracious ! what in the world is this ? "
" A lil cauf, maam."
" Why, you dont mean to say . . . ? "
" Ill take it by the scruff maam;
Well just lave it at the door.
Its belongin to Mr. Moore."
" And to think the abominable brute
Was sucking at my boot!
Mr. Crow ! Mr. Crow!
Id have you to know . . ."
" Jus a lil cauf maam,
Jus a lil cauf."
(Arrival at Ramsey)
" Mercy on us ! what next ? "" A lil dunkey, maam."
" A little what ? Good heavens ! "
" Aw, ye needn be funky, maam;
Ill get him out as quit . .
Good people, bring a light !"
" But a solitary female in the dark . .
With half the beasts in Noahs ark.
Mr. Crow ! Mr. Crow! Id have you to know . . ."
" Jus a lil dunkey, maam,
Jus a lil dunkey."