[From Manx Tales, Egbert Rydings 1895]
"Cha vel yn Mannanagh dy bragla creeney, dys y laa. lurg yn vargey."-Manx PROVERB."
" The Manxman is never wise till the day after the fair."-Translation.
" GOOD everin', Mrs. Kelly, achree, come in, woman, do. Wheer hev' you been this long whiles, it mos' gone a fort-night sense I saw you las'; knock that cat off the cheer, and come and take a res', as the man said.
"Oh! you've brought the quhite-wash brush back; prrrrit in the corner anywheres. You are always welcome to borrow it, Mrs. Kelly, I am not laak Jenny-a-Naps. When she had borrowed all the sweepin' brushes in Agneash and wore them to the back, she gorra new one for herself, and when one of the naybors wanted to borrow it for a sackon or two, she ups and toul' her that it was a good principle, and she for one meant to houl' by it for the future- neither to borrow nor lend. (Unneighbourdy.) Of course it was, woman, but what betthar could yor expec' from the laak of yandhar ? Did you meet our Thobm on Snavel Road? Yes, I thought you would ; he's gone to lef' the turf on Snavel side, and won't be back for hours. How's our Thobm gerrin on sense the feer, did you say, Mrs. Kelly? Oh, quiet enough, quiet enough-norra word urrov his mous. A tarrable sick head arrim the day after, and sorry urrov massy, and would I forgive- him, and not say one word about it, and he would live on priddhas and herrin's for a fortnight ? To-day is his las' day of pengeance, as our Thobm calls it, Mrs. Kelly, and before he lef' the street he shouts, ' Kirree, giv' us another change, them flower-balls will be as good as bros.' You mus' know Mrs. Kelly, our Thobm has kep' wantin' changes in his mate. One day hewould have herein' and magnums, nex' herrin' and rocks, and herein' and kemps, and he has gone through all the changes we had; he thought he would laak herein' and flower-balls, and as we hadn' any ourselves, I gorra kischen in exchange from Bobby to pacerfy him lek. Our Thobm says he is gerrin quite jintale lek in his fingars, and, if he goes on much longer on this mate, he will be as finger jintale as the Coungarrow ones. You know, woman, our Thobm says he can allis tell the boys when they are kep' on spuds and herrin' more til once a day, because the fingar and tum on the right hand is allis so cline wis purrin them in their mous wis the herrin' ; chat! woman, our Thobm has allis some boughnet of speech arrim when he's bittendin to be funny. But wait, woman, I'll jus' lif' this pot of spuds on the slowree, and purra junk of turf undhar.
" How did you find the steep I sent you, Mrs. Kelly ? (First rate, thank you.) Yes, I am sure you would fin' it nice and sweet, and the pinjane [ Curds and whey.]would be tuk in no time. I was allis fns' rate at makin' steep-though its me that says it but shouldn't-or, as the proverbs has it more full, ' self praise recommends no agitation.' (Is no recommendation.)
Chut ! What does it matter ? We know what it manes for all, woman, and, no matter what the proverb says, I will say that no one can make batthar steep til me. (Lus-ny-binjey.[A herb: Crudwort.]) Guy-heng [Get out-(Gu-hang!)]. wis your lus-ny-pinjey rubbage; no but calf- runnet, and didn' the Cap'n and Pazon's wives, when they were in their full swing in Laxa afore now, allis gerrit from me, and they toul' me often enough no one could make such nice steep as mine ; theer now ! will you belave now ?
" Look here, Mrs. Kelly, that's the clock on the mantel our Thobm bought on the feer day ; isn' it a nice one, Mrs. Kelly, for the money; and an album. (Alarum.) Oh, you neechi' bothar to 'rup' me. I gorr Garrat, the roadman, to fix the fingars and serrit-a-goin', and at five o'clock every mornin' you should hear the gir-it-ir-ir fit to 'waken the dead.
" Garrat is tremeujous clavar at a clock, and knows every quheel and pinjin, and can put them together laak a shot, mix them up as you may, and Garrat will in wis them in theer places as fas' as yon can count, knows every one's place to a dot.
'You know ' Nerry the Clag,' as they calls him, Mrs. Kelly? (Yes.) Well, Nerry would start clock clanin', and the Ballacarga ones guv' him theers to cline, the eight-day-case wis a moon, yon know, Mrs. Kelly? (Seen it often enough.) Of coorse you have. Well, quhen Nerry had gore all the quheels numb'r'd on a newspaper on the table, and one of the gels happ'n to stretch over for sometin' or other, the quheels come all a-cladderin' on the floor, all mix' through others, as the man said. Nerry, my gough ! was frecken'd urro' massey, and thried and thried to put the quheels back again in their places, and was ups at the Ballacarga two or three everins tryin' to get the quheels right, and swettiu' laak the mischif wis the bothar on him. At las', when Nerry foun' he was complate bet, he bittended he wanted to go into the haggad for a straw, but, my gough ! when Nerry gorr outside, he puks up his legs and clears the haggad hedge laak a grey houn', and down home to Laxa laak a shot. Nerry would allis have tuk a Bible oas to his las' dyin' days that that clock was made at the clockmakers wis at las'e six quheels too many. Chut ! woman, there warn' one quheel too many. Garrat was call't in and slicks them all in in no time in theer proper places. But Nerry navar would attempt a moon-face clock after that, and that's the for he got the name on him at the washin'-floors, its laak by Jack Kinley, or Oul' Bob, of 'Nerry the Clock.' What for were they givin' these quaer names, did you say, Mrs. Kelly! 'Deed, its hard to say, but I suppose to tell them by. Oul' Bob and Caseman were the very mischif givin' names, and, 'deed, when we think of it its no wondhar. Take your own name, woman, and count up the Thobm and Jack Kellys in Laxa, and how are you to tell them if you don't give them a bye-name? You knew Darkie, Mrs. Kelly, that used to come praechin' from Dhoolish, and allis went on the chabbal ones to get the childhar in the Prumental [ Prudential Life Assurance Co.] club? (Well enough.) Of coorse. Well, Darkie had got from one of our chabbals Jem Dolly's name as havin' mos' childhar. Darkie knocks at the door and one of the gels come, a lump of a one, maybe thirteen or fourteen, and, when Darkie asked if Mr. James Kelly lived here, she said no, and was sendin' him on to the Larghan, when her mother calls from the laf -'You stupid, it's your own father he wants ; tell the falla to come in, I'll be down in a sackon or two.'. The gel didn' know her own name, as she had allis been call'd Jenny Dolly, and her father Jem Dolly.
" Dear heart alive! woman, we've been talkin' about the clock and navar mindin' the fingarn. Look, woman, it's standin' at seven, and here we've been clanderin' away for two mortal hours about how our Thobm, the sleech (for I can call him no batthar when I tinks of the goose money), gorr home from the feer-which unlucky he navar went."